I never understand why things happen, or why certain things happen to me. Although I would take a second and try and rewrite my story to make me feel better, I know I could never fix the past. The past would haunt me, only because I knew I couldn't go back and change things. The future... yes, the future would scare me even more. See, I dream so much that I can barely keep up with myself. I wanted God to step in and take over my life and guide me in every direction. Some directions I understood, others I just didn't want to comply with.
I didn't comply, and unfortunately, my prayers weren't answered, my focus was lost and my outlook on everything else failed. I stopped knowing who I truly was and I lost my passion in everything that I did. It was like a bad appetite and I never could find the urge to eat, or at least get back on track from where I fell off. What I did learn was to stop questioning God.
It wasn't because my life felt like it was in shambles, but because I wanted to get closer to him. Instead of asking "why", I said "thank you", because it was another struggle I overcame, or another victory from a battle in my life. Instead of saying "why does this happen to me?", I said "God will not give me more than I can bare".
It has not been easy trying to keep myself together, and it has not been easy trying to hear God while living the life that I live. I do know that it will only get better and before I ask why, I will ask God how I can make things better. How can I put forth my best effort, how can I be more like you, how can I continue to stay focused while dealing with people that are not like you, how can I be better and how can I be humble at all times?
I know it will be hard, but without God, I wouldn't be where I am today. I try to grow stronger and be stronger, and although the battles are only becoming more intense, my armor created by God is even more powerful.
The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1